So Old Man Snap had the pleasure of meeting Bear's acquaintance this past weekend at his Nana's house. Bear, a cute li'l puppet, quickly won over OMS's family with his witty banter and snide, bearly (Hah! Get it?) audible remarks.
Bear has no conscience, really, and he sounds like a cross between Kermit the Frog and any Smurf who bombed his audition and ended up joining the Snorks. Only once this weekend was he threatened with wall-mounting, right next to the big buck head OMS's ol' man shot back in the day.
Anyway, the thing ya'll need to know about Bear is sometimes, well, most times, he gets bearried (HAH!) away with words that: 1) sound like bear; and 2) can be hurtful.
Be warned. Bear has asked for a forum here from time to time. OMS acquiesced, if only to hear him stir some sh*t. Bear, the floor is yours.
***
Well, thanks bear, fella. HAH! See I said bear instead of there because, huh, well everyone, I'll be here all day thank you very much. Anywho, just thought I'd take the time to wish all ya'll motherf*ckers a safe and Happy New Bear. HAH! Again I brought the funny with the ol' play on words.
Well, that's all I really want to say. Thanks to Mr. Snap for giving me the time to speak my mind. I have a lot of important things to say about a lot of important things. Unlike Mr. Snap, who's just a bitter double-chin-smiling lonely asshole who drinks too much and only writes this because he's scared of succ--
***
ALRIGHT. Thanks, Bear, for visiting the Porch and the Parking Lot. OMS certainly looks forward to all the important things you have to say.
7 comments:
Holy crap, you're jumping the shark... with a teddy.
I think OMS needs a vacation.
Stop hitting the Beam at work.
I miss read that comment
Stop hitting the Beam at work.
I thought there was a low ceiling at the office.
*sniff* *sniff* Nah. Fuck that. All ya'll have no regard for a bear's feelings. As soon as I meet you, it's over Johnny. This Bear is bearly (Hah! Get it?) holding on to his sanity because of you hurtful motherfuckers. Happy fucking New Year, indeed. Stupid humans. Go listen to some dumb Fall Out Boy or something and leave the heavy lifting to those of us strong enough to eat berries and maul North Jerseyans with our bear (HAH!) hands.
See? We tried to warn you.
I didn't know Pun Bears were indigenous to North Jersey... I thought it was just black bears.
You learn something new everyday.
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