"I left my wallet in the car."

So the only reason we didn't punch the guy in front of us this morning at the Dunkin' Donuts was because he was pretty much the largest man we've ever seen in person.

And we would have caused a scene, with the screaming and the jumping on the counter to get eye contact and the throwing our yet-to-be-ordered medium light and sweet in his face. So it was easier to just passively-aggressively grumble under our breath.

The largest man we've ever seen also wore camouflage and had a deep, baritone voice. We looked sort of like this. There was really no way to win this battle.

Why all this crazy talk about punching large Army men, you ask? The answer is simple. He was yet another person we've come across this week talking, loudly, into his Deep Space Nine ear piece about something that certainly couldn't wait until he was back in the quiet confines of his convoy.

No, sir. Sgt. Talkstooloudandcouldbeatusup kept ordering his soldiers from the Dunkin' Donuts counter until -- AHA! -- he made the biggest mistake the enemy can make. He showed weakness.

"Shoot," Sgt. Pleaseshutthef*ckup sighed. "I left my wallet in the car."

So PFC OMS ordered his coffee and quickly paid, hoping he wouldn't have to engage on his way out. Thankfully, the paths did not cross. Or else we would have battled to the death, Sgt. Cellphone and us. And we would have found a way to win.

So there's that.

***
Regulars in these here parts know Friday is the day we reflect on the week prior. We catchily call it Heroez and Not So Much with the Zeroez. This week, it's abridged because we were off in the woods doing what real men do.

Deal.

Heroez
Izzie. Always Izzie. Mostly for the pain she will inflect on dumb Alex over the next few episodes.

Fans. Especially those with theories (SFW, sort of).

The person who wrote this. We're, um, putting clothes on now.

Not so much...
Greedy bastards.

Does anybody really give a sh*t, really?

"I was just scared, hoping and praying that maybe it would go away," Irvin said. "I was told that I paid the fine and it was over. I was hoping it was over."

We do admit that sometimes, when no one is looking, we belt out My Own Prison in our cars. But only because we sometimes remember 1999 fondly. We admit wholeheartedly that we don't really like Mr. Stapp. At all. Something about being a pompous ass.

Ech. We think we just threw up in our mouth. Again.