To the "layers of five" lady

Jesus Christ, lady, with your "But the other woman does it like this."

Thanks to you, the other woman -- who should've been slicing our on-sale swiss just right instead of talking to you, already waited on -- paid attention to you for way too long while you basically went down on her with compliments and we almost had our third heart attack of the day watching our watch, wishing for home.

"She normally does layers of five," you said with Jenny McCarthy energy to the poor deli counter guy. "But it's OK. You must be new. It's OK. Yeah, you can leave it like that. She does layers of five, like this (again with the hand waving and chopping motions). But it's OK. Yeah. That's fine. I'll be right back."

If we could have pulled your arm off, placed it ever so gently on the meat slicer, and done layers of five. Too bad you whisked yourself away with your cart full of Coca-Cola Zeroes and melons before we had the chance.