Hold up

Paris and Mariah and Britney? You're kidding, right? These are the popular names for li'l girls? Why not just name them Trash or Skank or Ho and be done with it? Or something benign, like Annie. Or Courtney.

Man the Ol' Man longs for the days of the Berthas and the Matildas and the Gertrudes. At least the odds were in his favor that he'd just have to feed them, not supply crack, cheetos and backstage VMA passes. Oh how he longs for the oldern days.

"GERTIE, where's my supper? A man must eat in order to have his strength for the long work week beneath the palm tree and being beholden to the Lord's ways, which are mysterious. GERTIE! Supper! Now!"