Your Philly Sports Update

HELLO SPORTS FANS! THIS IS OLD MAN SNAP WITH YOUR WEDNESDAY MORNING, ONCE-EVERY-876 POSTS PHILLLLLLLLLLLY SPORTS UPDATE!!! BUCKLE UP, BOOOOOOBIRDS! IT'S TIME FOR THE PHILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLY SPORTS UPDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE!

1. Cole Hamels, stud pitcher for the Phillies, is out with strained elbow it quite possibly the most important part of the Phillies season. So Chase Utley is due back in a week to save the world, and Cole Hamels goes down. Awesome. Sure, the Phils beat the Dodgers last night, but they have two more with LA before San Diego and then the Mets come into town. And no, we won't call the Mets the "Mutts," like many fans do. It's a ridiculous nickname and you may not like their 18 alternate uniforms, but you have to respect their manager and like four of their players.

2. The Eagles released Jeremiah Trotter yesterday. If he signs with the Giants and new defensive coordinator Steve Spagnola, ugh. But for now, respect the man: "Obviously, I want to be here," he told the media yesterday. "But (Coach Andy Reid is) making a decision that he feels is best for the team. That's what this league is about. The turnover ratio is big every year. They're always bringing in someone to try to better the team. Who knows what the future holds, but, like I said, now is my time. I understand why he did it - I know he didn't want to do it - and that means a lot to me."

3. Did we mention Cole Hamels is out for three weeks and the Eagles just cut the heart and soul and vocal and emotional leader of their D?

4. Sixers, still about four years away from sh*t.

5. Flyers. Um. Flyers. Oh. They lost in the Stanley Cup Finals in 1997 and we kind of haven't really been on board with them since the Devils destroyed Eric Lindros in the playoffs like six years ago.

6. Cole Hamels.

THAT'S ALL THE TIME WE HAVE NOW FOR YOUR PHILLLLLLLLLLY SPOOOOOOOOORTS UPDAAAAAAATE! WE NOW RETURN TO YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED POSTS ABOUT DUMB 80's MOVIES AND AWFUL COMMUTES AND SOMETIMES RANDOM HAIKUS!