Thoughts from the bar...

In no particular order, really:

1. We love Mike Timlin's Puma cleats.

2. We hate Johnny Damon's.

3. Our favorite nights are when no one speaks and/or touches us, and we're OK with this.

4. We kind of wish Real World France girl next to us talked to us, but she had a friend and they didn't really seem into doing anything other than showing the bartender their cells and how cool they are.

5. We *really* can't stand the guys who don't know what effing beer they want. "I'll take a Bass. Oh. You don't have Bass? Oh. OK. Um. I'll take a Honey Brown in a bottle. Oh. You don't have that? Smithwick's is like Bass? Huh. Well. I'll take a Blue Moon, then. Oh. Wait. Wait. No. Make that a Yuengling." Oh how we hate thee, beer-waverer guy.

6. Marlon Anderson's play tonight to end the Phillies-Mets game (AP Photo, above) was on par with A-Rod *slapping* at the ball a couple years ago and your hero yelling "WOOOO!" during a softball game earlier this summer. Bush. Effing. League.

7. Why, oh pretty girl, are you not smiling back when we smile at you?

8. The acoustic duo tonight played, in order, Babylon, Save Tonight and The Letter. We kind of wanted to deck the lead singer, take his geetar, and take over the set, but that's kind of frowned upon in artistic circles.

9. Finally, this guy. Oh, this guy. Oh this guy with his telling his stories, loudly, to his friends. We'll end with this guy. We translated what he's really saying in parentheses because it's fun.

Loud Dude: Dude. Dude. Listen. It's like this, dude. Listen. There's this girl at my beach house (I fantasize about her constantly and haven't f*cked her and she turned me down once. Bitch). This girl, dude. She's like (Ugh. We can hear our sixth-grade Latin teacher rolling over in his grave; Dude. Loud Dude: She *is*) my best friend's ex-girlfriend (I so used to watch her wander around the beach house in his dress shirts and tiny pink panties) but now he's married (I'm jealous; the wife is hotter than the ex) and she's not with him anymore. But it's weird, dude (It's only weird because I totally want to f*ck her but I can't because she turned me down once. Bitch). She's like (Ugh) there and I'm there and I think there's a vibe (Why did she turn me down? I have nice teeth) and, dude, I don't know. There's a vibe and it's weird and I don't know, dude.

10. (Yeah. We don't like this guy).