It explains nothing. But we're sharing anyway.

In 1984, we were cool.

So cool, in fact, that when Halloween roled around, we thought we'd take it to another level. We asked mom for a dress, a red dress. We asked mom for stockings and heels and maybe a boa. We had a wig, too. Don't ask.

We donned that sh*t and we worked that sh*t. We went to Brian Spratt's house up the street and knocked on the door. Nobody knew it was Young Confused Boy. The costume was perfect.

No one questioned why OMS V.84 would wear make-up and disguise his voice all afternoon (make-up that smeared when we found out our dad was in the hospital after he fell off a ladder while roofing, but that's another story for another day). And that afternoon, while we played dodgeball, Li'l Drag Princess took out at least 10 other classmates, all while wearing heels.

Why the fascinating story, you ask? Well, seems this 17-year-old is making himself a statement. Good for him. At 17, we weren't wearing skirts, we were chasing them. And we were sacking quarterbacks and throwing back 40s and other manly things.

Well, we were playing with our wrestlers and pining after Ada and sitting the bench in basketball, but whatever.

We were all man, beeyatch.