Things we learned at the pub tonight

In no particular order, really.

How to end a conversation in .8 seconds...
SOPRANOS EXTRA: HEY! You follow dese Olympics?

OMS: No, not really.

How to spot That Guy In So Not A Good Way Who Says "I'm Playing" Every Other Sentence...
THAT GUY IN SO NOT A GOOD WAY WHO SAYS "I'M PLAYING" EVERY OTHER SENTENCE: Are you gay?

OMS: No. Should (we) be?

TGISNAGWWSIPEOS: Nah. Heh heh. I'm just playing. This guy here is, though (grabs friend by collar).

OMS: Good. How's that working out for you?

FRIEND: I'm not really gay.

How to know TGISNAGWWSIPEOS is the biggest asshole ever...
TGISNAGWWSIPEOS: Hey! Who's the toughest guy in Denville?

TGISNAGWWSIPEOS: Hey! (points to diplomatic fiance) Isn't she pretty?

TGISNAGWWSIPEOS: Hey! How do you fight when you fight? (Waits for answer but doesn't). I hit this guy in Denville with the back of my hand. The cops thought it was a bottle. But it wasn't. I got him with the back of my hand. Right honey?

HONEY: Right. But we don't fight anymore. It's too expensive.

TGISNAGWWSIPEOS: That's right, honey. I had to have like $1,000.

TGISNAGWWSIPEOS: Hey! Gay guy! You want another beer?

How to spot the Mustache Guy With No Clue...
MUSTACHE GUY WITH NO CLUE: Do you have the Harp here?

BARTENDER: What's the name on the door? Dublin Pub? Yes. We have Harp here. We also have Guinness.

How to spot the Chick With Potential...
CHICK WITH POTENTIAL: We'll have what he's having. A Black and Tan.

OMS: (Silent, thinks, "But it's a Half-and-Half").

CHICK WITH POTENTIAL: (Slams Black and Tan in one hot minute because non-drinking boyfriend wants to jet).

And END SCENE(S).