To the deli guys

Thank you.

For once, we had a little more faith in humanity. Not only did ya'll hustle, but you also gave us an extra li'l slice of ham. And then you laughed when the old lady next to you said she could help you with our cheese. And then you both argued, nicely, about who would wrap it.

And then you both wished us a nice day.

Now, then, to the lady on her cell phone in the veggie aisle, can you just not be on your cell while grocery shopping? Do you really need to jabber away and block the f*cking tomatoes? Do ya? Sh*t you pissed us off.

Luckily, we hit the deli right after we *almost* hit you. With Wheat Thins.

Because hitting you with anything else would be violent and arrest-worthy. And we're so not getting arrested for punching the cell phone lady in the face, though we suspect we could get some sort of award of some sh*t for sparing the grocery world of yet another obnoxious cell abuser in aisle 11.

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Currently listening to: Miller's Angels.