To the Cingular people

Holy sh*t how you piss us off.

First, with the never having godd*mn bars. Ever. Nevermind the big ass billboards with HUGE bars on them. "Hey! Get Cingular Wireless! Yay! Bars!"

No. Bars. Ever. No signal. Ever. That's point one. Which brings us to point two.

Lookee here: we went to buy us one of them new fancy phones with that there new technology there so we can take them fancy pictures with our *phone*. Shoot, sugar. Maybe we want to get us one of them new fandangled *video* phones, too.

(But mainly, we just want a phone that doesn't drop f*cking calls in our *apartment* or in the *big city*, but now we're breaking character). And we digress.

So we went to get us a new phone yesterday, and it went a li'l something like this:

Assistant to the assistant manager, with way too much knowledge about anytime minutes and video sending and blue teeth: Sorry, man. You can't buy a phone here because you bought your old one in a different sector.

OMS: (Sighs). A what now?

Manager: Sir, you can buy this phone in Irvington.

OMS: But. Wha. Wait. I want to buy it here.

Assistant to the assistant manager: Well, you can buy it online, or you can buy it back in sector 38, near Philadelphia.

OMS: I can buy this online?

Assistant to the assistant manager: Ye--

OMS: KBYE.

And END SCENE.

But wa-wa-wait it gets worse...

So we go online tonight to upgrade our phone, but we can't remember our password. And because we've had the same password for everything for pretty much our entire life, this should not be an issue.

But of course it is.

After five log-in attempts, we successfully locked ourselves out. And now we've been on the phone waiting for the nice Cingular computer voice lady to shut the f*ck up so Andrew in India can answer our very simple question: what, dear sir, is our motherf*cking password?

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Wait! Wait! The nice Cingular computer voice lady just told us all our trouble will wash away if we manage our account online! Yay! All we have to do now is F*CK we can't do that!

No password b*tches! Wheeeeeeeeee! Cingular sucks our ass!

Godd*mnit.