A User Friendly Guide to All Things OMS

Because none of you asked, here is a quick, friendly and helpful User Friendly Guide to All Things Old Man Snap. Why? "I checked it out once, but it was hard to follow," a good friend said last night. "Is that what all blogs are supposed to be?"

Nope. Just this one. Think of it as a window to our quirky, yet brilliantly comedic, brain. Right? Right.

Right, then.

1. We write in the first person plural. Yay for anonymity!

2. Sometimes, we write about running in the rain. Other times, we write about raining in our head. Sometimes, no rain. Sometimes, every once in a great while, sunshine. Sometimes we don't even use verbs.

3. We write weekly Saturday morning Beverly Hills, 90210 recaps. This might be our favorite part of the job. Example? Oh Kelly with the we can't tell Bren, Dylan and what are we doing and Dylan with the yeah, the baby is awesome and Bren with the Dylan how do you know the baby and Dylan with the oh, well I babysat with Kelly once and you know how it is Bren and Bren is all I don't know how it is, Dylan, why don't you tell me and PS I have nothing to share with you about the whole faking the ridiculous French accent thing while going down on Superman in Paris.

4. We often write about our horoscope. This is what's known in the vernacular as "filler."

5. Oh with the fat kid stories.

6. And oh with the ohs. We love the ohs and the sos and the run-on sentences, mainly because we know what run-on sentences are and it's part of the overall subtle commentary of the blog itself.

7. Sometimes we write in riddles even we don't understand.

8. Often, we write with the iTunes on shuffle. Sometimes we kick sweet dance moves while typing. Example? Gorillaz are on right now. We're so doing the the sprinkler.

9. Yes, ACG, we were in a frat once. But hey! Do you call your country a -- well, nevermind. Most days, we deny being in one, let alone running it as an underclassman. Yay for future political aspirations!

10. Every few days or so, we'll post a picture of Scarlett or Lindsay or even Julianne Hough, that hussy from the Dancing with the Stars. Julianne, call us. Or at least please return our MySpace messages. We have sweet dance moves to show you. See 8.

11. Want to hear a funny joke? Always with the deli counter stories. Some of the best bits we have are based on cheese. Um. Huh. Both literally and figuratively.

12. Ew. We hate Pearl Jam's version of Last Kiss. Next.

13. Ah. Mayer with the I Don't Trust Myself with Loving You. Much better.

14. Oh with the issue-laden tidbits.

15. So we sometimes blog about politics, pop culture and breakfast. Oh with the putting the milk in the cupboard and the Honey Nut Cheerios in the fridge and all of these things.

16. Someday, we'll be famous for being the brilliant coffee-filled blogger we are. Until then, we're content with the 90210 recaps and every once in awhile a riff about the Vince McMahon dreams/nightmares.

17. One day, we'll reveal our identity. In the meantime, feel free to friend Rooney Sees Red on the MySpace. Those freaking guys rule.

See? Guide. Keep reading, y'all. It'll only get better. Or something.