Saturday, August 30, 2008
Friday, August 29, 2008
But we thought America "wasn't" "ready."
Couple things, pre-best-Labor Day Weekend EH EH EH EH EHVERRRRRRRR.
1. Alright with the chanting. Let the man speak. General rule of thumb: 46 consecutive "Thank-Yous" means, "Alright y'all b*tches, please shut the f*ck up."
2. We won't lie. We laughed when our hopefully-next President took the stage last night pre-music cue, and then we laughed more when we thought, "How great would it be if he grabbed the mic and said, 'Yeah. So no thanks. I heard America wasn't ready for a black president. Go eff yourselves.' "
3. How cute are Obama and Michelle's daughters?
4. Joe Biden scares us because Scranton scares us. But we're onboard nonetheless.
5. Democrats need to understand this "Applause Breaks" When the presidential candidate (we still can't believe it, either -- how great is this?) is sharing a story about Iraq War vets (And when did "Operation Freedom" become "Operation Alright Already with the War and the Sending Good People Back Way Too Many Times and Seriously, We're Better Off Now?")?
Anyway, when the presidential candidate is telling bad stories, not so much with the clapping and the YAY! BAD THINGS! Wait 'til he says, "We are better than this." Then lose your effing minds with the clapping and the chanting.
6. And oh with the chanting. What is it with America's obsession with catchphrases and chanting? We blame The Rock. But that's just because we have a weird yet friendly obsession and knowledge of all things professional wrestling. If you smell what the Ol' Man is cookin'.
7. OLD MAN IS COOKIN'! OLD MAN IS COOKIN'! OLD MAN IS COOKIN'! OLD MAN IS COOKIN'!OLD MAN IS COOKIN'!OLD MAN IS COOKIN'!OLD MAN IS COOKIN'!
8. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. So... Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
9. Vote on Nov. 4.
10. We still believe. Catchphrases and all.
1. Alright with the chanting. Let the man speak. General rule of thumb: 46 consecutive "Thank-Yous" means, "Alright y'all b*tches, please shut the f*ck up."
2. We won't lie. We laughed when our hopefully-next President took the stage last night pre-music cue, and then we laughed more when we thought, "How great would it be if he grabbed the mic and said, 'Yeah. So no thanks. I heard America wasn't ready for a black president. Go eff yourselves.' "
3. How cute are Obama and Michelle's daughters?
4. Joe Biden scares us because Scranton scares us. But we're onboard nonetheless.
5. Democrats need to understand this "Applause Breaks" When the presidential candidate (we still can't believe it, either -- how great is this?) is sharing a story about Iraq War vets (And when did "Operation Freedom" become "Operation Alright Already with the War and the Sending Good People Back Way Too Many Times and Seriously, We're Better Off Now?")?
Anyway, when the presidential candidate is telling bad stories, not so much with the clapping and the YAY! BAD THINGS! Wait 'til he says, "We are better than this." Then lose your effing minds with the clapping and the chanting.
6. And oh with the chanting. What is it with America's obsession with catchphrases and chanting? We blame The Rock. But that's just because we have a weird yet friendly obsession and knowledge of all things professional wrestling. If you smell what the Ol' Man is cookin'.
7. OLD MAN IS COOKIN'! OLD MAN IS COOKIN'! OLD MAN IS COOKIN'! OLD MAN IS COOKIN'!OLD MAN IS COOKIN'!OLD MAN IS COOKIN'!OLD MAN IS COOKIN'!
8. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. So... Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
9. Vote on Nov. 4.
10. We still believe. Catchphrases and all.
Monday, August 25, 2008
YAY!
Wake up at 12:46 a.m., after almost three hours of sleep and a nightmare about monthly calendars? Check.
Wake up again at 5:46 a.m., after five more hours of sleep and a nightmare about walking into the wrong class, late? Check.
Linger at the laptop trying to figure out who the killer was from the nightmare the other day? Check.
Issues? What issues?
We say it's hilarious, this nightmaring!
Wake up again at 5:46 a.m., after five more hours of sleep and a nightmare about walking into the wrong class, late? Check.
Linger at the laptop trying to figure out who the killer was from the nightmare the other day? Check.
Issues? What issues?
We say it's hilarious, this nightmaring!
Again with the articles...
Page 20 of this month's edition, the one with Anna Faris on the cover: "Australian demographers have coined the term 'freemale' to describe an unattached professional woman who behaves like a carefree bachelor. Freemales live for today, have casual sex" blah blah blah and blah blah blah.
Somehow, we don't think this new term will stick. Although we would like to get our freemale on. Now wait. No. What? No. We didn't say, "Shemale on."
What. Too soon nothin'?
Somehow, we don't think this new term will stick. Although we would like to get our freemale on. Now wait. No. What? No. We didn't say, "Shemale on."
What. Too soon nothin'?
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Coke Kelly Rehabbed!
First off, y'all know that *we've* been doing these 90210 recaps looooooong before the 902102008 campaign blitzes started, right? Y'all know we probably are to blame for the show coming back, updated! With Tristan Wilds and Kelly *and* Brenda!
So yeah, we learned today that the Soap Net is running a 90210 marathon starting Labor Day at midnight. Hilarity shall doth ensue in these here parts! It's like Old Man Snap's ultimate dream, this blogging 90210 from the very beginning! Maybe we'll get a contract to be funny all the time and not just in our heads!
(And we know we're especially with the exclamation points this morning. Yay! Hungover as Operation Sobriety begins!).
Now, then:
OMG we haven't seen the 90210 in far too long with the working and the softballing and the running and the actual doing things with our life on Saturday mornings but HOLY ESS Kelly just got out of rehab and damnit we missed the ultrahot Coke Kelly phase with the black eyeliner and fingercuffs and all of these things and Steve is all IT'S MY BIRTHDAY and the KEG guys are all, no Steve's weirdly-cast brothers, you can't underage imbibe even though we *so* did in Season Five and the weirdly-cast brothers are all whatevs we're stealing alcohol from party-goers and Party-Goer #1 is all, "HEY! Someone stole my beer!" (and thinking, "Sh*t, *this* is my big Hollywoods break?") and speaking of goers, Donna is all, no hunky quarterback I won't dance with you because my last boyfriend totally launched me down the stairs but had a great hit with The Heights and hunky quarterback is all, whatevs, my career will skyrocket after this ridiculously overdramatic piece of Americana and Hollywoods is all, "No, not really, hunky quarterback, you might as well go try out for Brazzers or some sh*t" and Valerie is all, I think it's a great idea to bring Cokehead Colin to the party so Kelly can awkwardly kiss him on the cheek in hopes of licking one last hit from his pores and Brandon is all, Christ, it was so much more fun when *I* got to hit that.
Man, we missed this.
So yeah, we learned today that the Soap Net is running a 90210 marathon starting Labor Day at midnight. Hilarity shall doth ensue in these here parts! It's like Old Man Snap's ultimate dream, this blogging 90210 from the very beginning! Maybe we'll get a contract to be funny all the time and not just in our heads!
(And we know we're especially with the exclamation points this morning. Yay! Hungover as Operation Sobriety begins!).
Now, then:
OMG we haven't seen the 90210 in far too long with the working and the softballing and the running and the actual doing things with our life on Saturday mornings but HOLY ESS Kelly just got out of rehab and damnit we missed the ultrahot Coke Kelly phase with the black eyeliner and fingercuffs and all of these things and Steve is all IT'S MY BIRTHDAY and the KEG guys are all, no Steve's weirdly-cast brothers, you can't underage imbibe even though we *so* did in Season Five and the weirdly-cast brothers are all whatevs we're stealing alcohol from party-goers and Party-Goer #1 is all, "HEY! Someone stole my beer!" (and thinking, "Sh*t, *this* is my big Hollywoods break?") and speaking of goers, Donna is all, no hunky quarterback I won't dance with you because my last boyfriend totally launched me down the stairs but had a great hit with The Heights and hunky quarterback is all, whatevs, my career will skyrocket after this ridiculously overdramatic piece of Americana and Hollywoods is all, "No, not really, hunky quarterback, you might as well go try out for Brazzers or some sh*t" and Valerie is all, I think it's a great idea to bring Cokehead Colin to the party so Kelly can awkwardly kiss him on the cheek in hopes of licking one last hit from his pores and Brandon is all, Christ, it was so much more fun when *I* got to hit that.
Man, we missed this.
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