To the woman behind the plant at the dealership

1. Please put your phone on vibrate.
2. Please take the call outside.
3. Don't f*cking put her on speaker phone. You just put her on speaker phone. F*ck.
4. Seriously? Still with the speaker phone?
5. Now with the off speaker phone and repeated Hellos?
6. Did we mention the outside and the taking the call there?
7. Now with the hanging up and calling right back.
8. And the Hellos and the dropped call.
9. You're calling her back. Oh. My. God.
10. Yes. We can hear you.
11. YAY! You're walking outside! Yay to better signals! Hooray!
12. Now we can resume our quiet, peaceful morning of waiting for our car and listening to the soothing sounds of Journey. Whew.
13. Oh good. You're back.
14. And your phone's ringing.
15. And you're answering.
16. How are we to listen to Peter Cetera in peace?
17. Damnit.

What we do sometimes when we feel we're not really part of, you know, like, the world and stuff

We watch the Sliver.

Any movie that ends with the immensely in-touch statement "get a life" immediately makes us feel better about ourselves and the same monotonous godd*mn routine we tend to embark on over and over again each and every godd*mn day.

Er, we mean, Sharon Stone was hot and who *doesn't* like the UB40?

*sigh*, part 2

So this must be why we put blueberries on our cereal this mornin'. What. Nothin'?

File this under things that creep us the f*ck out

Mailman: (Smiles, knowingly). Hey, Oldmanathan. Good to see you today.

OMS: Hi. Thanks for the mail.

Mailman: (Still smiling, as of to say he knows we still get the magazine in the black plastic wrapper -- you know, the one he called us out on getting last summer when we were playing guitar on the porch and he was all, "Hey Oldmanathan! I delivered the magazine you like!" from the street below).

OMS: Well, have a good day.

And END SCENE.

His Leading Lady

So in keeping with a trend of what we do on our days off, we caught the Dawson's Creek again this morning. See, Dawson and the gang take us back to an innocent time in our lives. We had just graduated college and were working in the middle of nowhere writing about all kinds of fun things.

We always had a soft spot for all the Capeside hijinx, mainly because we thought Joey was adorable and ever so sane. Plus, we were in our somewhat early 20s and boy did we wear white socks too much.

So today, we caught the one about Dawson's movie. We'll attempt to put into words, now, just how much this episode means to us.

Dawson is all I need a leading lady. And Rachel Leigh Cook without her dork glasses is all I'm hot and short and into method acting. And Joey is all I'm wearing horizontal stripes but what, bitches, you got a problem with that? And Jack is all not gay and into Joey and Jen is all I'm Jen and I'm dying in the finale but who cares I'll be f*cking a gay cowboy in six years and all up in Oscar's bidness.

Pacey, of course, is all, I'm Pacey bitches and I call everyone, including my sweet basketcase can't deal with death Andie, by their last names all the time because I'm hip and that's what I do.

And then Bruce's voice shows up in a teen soap opera and it's on. Oh hells yeah it's on.

Joey is all Dawson why are you doing this to me and Dawson is all I'm still in love with you and why'd you kiss someone else and Rachel Leigh Cook without her dork glasses is all I'm hot and short and into method acting.

And Andie breaks up with Pacey, who's all nobody breaks up with Pacey, bitches, so I'm putting a long stem rose in my mouth and climbing the ever-so-cleverly placed vine holder thingy into Andie's second-floor bedroom window. And Jack is all I'm still not gay laaaaaaaaa and Dawson is all CUT! GREAT SCENE everyone.

And then Bruce with the singing again.

See what we mean?