Let's see how they spin this

We're pretty much fed up with politicians these days. You?

File this under we quit

Seriously? How is this even remotely a good idea? Is it *that* hard to teach and learn and maintain basic societal standards? Mr. Smith, our grammar-laden Latin teacher, is rolling over in his grave right now, and this is the type of sh*t that makes us want to join him.

(We know. Asterisks as part of words is not proper spelling and therefore we are somewhat hypocritical. But we can spell hypocritical, b*tches, so ease up off us).

And boy oh boy do we ever want to drop-kick the reporter who wrote this: Americans doen't aulwaez go for whut's eezy — witnes th faeluer of th metric sistem to cach on. But propoenents of simpler speling noet that a smatering of aulterd spelingz hav maed th leep into evrydae ues.

We quit. Not even a move to Canadia will help us now.

We'll take a poll

On second thought, we won't. There's no need for multiple choice or essays on this one, kids. And alas, this makes us sad. (Thanks to MJ for the photo).

Hey! Coming tomorrow, thoughts on Kiera Knightley's rapid weight loss! That's right, Porchers, we're covering entertainment news three days late from here on out! With exclamation points! YAY!

Why we absolutely, positively cannot root, root, root for the hometeam right now. Like, ever.

From philly.com:

In his last eight appearances, Rhodes is 0-2 with a 14.40 ERA (with eight earned runs in five innings). In his last six appearances, Gordon, who has been the team's best pitcher this season, is 1-1 with a 6.35 ERA (four earned runs in 52/3 innings). He also has one save and one blown save.

Manager Charlie Manuel said afterward that he plans to stick with Rhodes in late-inning situations. Rhodes is 0-3 with a 5.40 ERA overall.

"His stuff is still good," Manuel said. "He's a veteran. He's one of our guys that we depend on in the back end of the bullpen. Now, if we've got somebody else who can go back there and do the job, we'll try to iron it out. But I like Arthur in that role. If we work with him some, I think he'll be fine. At times, he's done it this year."

A message from Bear

Um. Hi, ya'll. OMS asked me to post and let all ya'll know, his tens of readers, that he is OK. He's a little hungover from trying to figure out the rest of his life, but he's OK and that's the important thing.

He asked me to maybe tell a joke, too, to keep some brevity on the porch. We haggled back and forth because most of my material is about immediate family, and the other most of it is about fat kids, but I think we reached a happy medium. Besides, if he's not posting, then he's probably bearly even reading. HAH! Get it? Bearly!

Anywho, what does you say to a woman who went to the store?

Good job, woman. You know your ro*** Bear, that's it. You're fired. We can handle it from here. Just because there's North Korea missle launches and rain on perfect blue Tuesdays and terrorists to smoke out of their holes and state disarray in some parts of the world doesn't mean we won't get off our sick couch and set the record straight.

Pack your sh*t you unfunny puppet. Gets a-steppin', if you will. We have no use for hack jokes and budget gimmicks in these here parts.