A word about Wrigley's obstacle course

Michael Bourn is a back-up Phillies outfielder and spark plug who came into the game against the Cubs last night to replace started Shane Victorino, who strained his calf.

Why is OMS covering sports today? Because of Michael Bourn.

See, Mr. Bourn jetted after a fly ball that landed right next to the Phillies bullpen and the stands. The bullpen, on the field but not (it's located a mere inches away from the foul line) caused one of the most gruesome freak injuries we've ever seen on a field.

Bourn, at full tilt, stumbled when the ground elevated *before* the foul line. He tripped on the line (which is why we always hop over it when taking the field -- respect the foul line, y'all), then planted his other foot on the bullpen mound, and then he tumbled, as the sportscaster noted, like a horse stumbling before the finish line.

Granted, Phillies legendary announcer Harry Kalas probably called the foul ball a home run, but that's another story for another day.

Point is, why is the field elevated *before* the actual bullpen, and tell us again why the bullpen is located in foul territory? Yes, we know Wrigley is historical and an institution. But they used to have day games only, and then they installed lights. We used to have a mullet in 1987.

And we know they fixed the clock after Roy Hobbs destroyed it in The Natural.

Things change.

Watching Bourn last night was more than cringeworthy. And it's certainly something that shouldn't happen again. Oh. And the Phillies, who we refuse to believe in because their manager is an idiot and our favorite player is on the DL, beat the Cubs behind a fantastic effort from stud Cole Hamels and are only three games behind the Mets.

Finally, COMING UP ON SPORTSCENTER, MORE WHO'S NOW? Our panel of blowhards will analyze Michael Bourn and the Right Field Foul Line at Wrigley, right after several commercials that sponsor this senseless dialogue about a back-up player and plush Chicago grass.

PS: Things we do not care about. At all.

In no particular order:

1. Barry Bonds and the perpetual non-stop coverage of his every swing. We never rooted so hard for A-Rod, who we despise, in our lives. Keep hitting those home runs, A-Rod. Cleanly. We hope you hit 900 and take away the tarnished "record" from the fraud in 'Frisco, should he hit two more home runs, which he will.

2. We didn't see The Simpsons Movie this weekend, and we probably won't. Same with the Harry Potter. Haven't read a book, won't be reading a book. He's a wizard. We get it.

3. We did buy the Farce of the Penguins yesterday because it was on sale. We barely made it 20 minutes before deciding to go running in the rain.

4. More rain today. We used to let this sh*t get us down. But no more. What's a little thunderstorm for the third day in a row plus a full moon plus a squeaky car wheel plus a squeaky car radi-- oh sh*t, we're doomed. Oh woe is us.

We like Texxxus better up there.

Um, memo to Brit: Please put clothes on.

There's a time in all of our lives where a li'l modesty and coyness might help our collective images. We used to walk around naked when we were 4 years old. Then we realized we were showing our junk and we were 4. We tried this again when we were 19 because frat boys do the strangest things.

Thankfully, it was just a stage. But you Brit, well, we worry. Clothes. Now. Please. And oh with the stripper polls.

Oh with the Little Children

So we watched the Little Children on the On Demand tonight after our run. We even had, GASP, a bowl of ice cream for the first time in two months because daggumit we've been busting our ass to get ourselves in shape.

But we digress.

The Little Children would be a fantastic movie, save for the random and weirdly placed narration. We get that the movie was more than likely trying to stay true to a book we never read, but really with the narration? There were several pregnant pauses when we started narrating for the narrator -- which is never a good sign.

Still, Jesus Kate Winslet is one of the best actresses of our generation, and not just because she gets absolutely railed in the downstairs laundry room. And Jackie Earle Haley certainly deserved the hype last year for his performance.

But back to the narration. You know when you're eating your Peanut Butter Cup ice cream and savoring the moment and looking at Kate Winslet's t*ts and all of a sudden some random voice starts telling you what Kate Winslet is thinking as she pushes her daughter on the swing next to the DILF?

We get the same feeling of angst when we watch the Sports Center and the senseless, absolutely senseless, WHO'S NOW segment comes on. You know, the one where overzealous blowhards in pimp suits dissect an athlete's *impact* on society. Um. The only *impact* we care about is did they win the effing game and, if so, how did they do it?

So tonight, before the Little Children watching, we caught the Sports Center. Our role for WHO'S NOW is anytime it comes on, we change the channel because the segment, and the idea, is, in a word, ass.

But we did learn that the finals of the WHO'S NOW comes down to Tiger Woods, whom one anchor acually called T-DUBYA, versus Peyton Manning, and LeBron James vs. Shaq. We'd pay to see that sh*t in an octagon, or even a pool with Jackie Earle Haley in scuba gear, but we won't, because WHO'S NOW simply does not matter.

It is yet another way for ESPN to put itself over at the expense of game. Pick a game, any of them. Played on a field or court or track. Where athletes bleed and sweat to win. WHO'S NOW doesn't matter. Who wins, or even loses, does.

Yes. We just compared a dark chick flick to ESPN. It's there. Just follow along.

Rooney Sees Red at Crossroads

We were lucky enough to catch good friends Rooney Sees Red last night in North Jersey. Good stuff, this acoustic duo. The lead singer is a dreamboat and the lead guitarist is so a player.

Setlist?

Touch
Butterfly Tattoo
Look to You
No Rain
Sunday at the Office
Wastin' Days
Folsom Prison Blues
*Hockey Skates

The boys haven't played Hockey Skates in like six months, but it came together when JZ remembered to plug his guitar back in. Folsom kicked country ass, and Sunday at the Office made several friends/fans/moms cry -- always the sign of good times.

RSR asked OMS to thank those who did come out. Not only did you line their pockets with monetary goodness, they also had pretty much the best night ever.