About the Top 5 Halloween costumes we ever wore

5. That Star Wars sand character in 1979. Why be Luke when you can be a Tuscan Raider?

4. Pillsbury Doughboy in 1987. And y'all thought the fat kid issues were a bit.

3. Chimney Sweeper in 1985 and 1986. Because we just wanted to be like Dad, is all. And changing schools, again, meant yay for non-originality.

2. Chick in 1984. Yeah, the thought of a 9-year-old in drag might be a cry for help, but give us a break. Our Dad fell off a roof that day, and as our Mom applied our mascara, we got the call. So yeah, our mascara smeared and our Dad went as a Mummy when our friends came over for treats.

1. (Tie) Superman in 2004 (complete with Clark Kent costume -- boy do we ever still wish we were Clark Kent sometimes). Orgasm Donor in 2005. We thought it was cute. Our lady friends, well, not so much.

GOOD MORNING

And then we grapped the Lactaid Milk, opened the cupboard and, well, sh*t.

Milk doesn't go in the cupboard, silly, the cereal does.

Oops.

We had no idea

It really is a great song, no matter the version.

Our personal favorite is the Dave version with Butch Trucks playing a sweet piano solo. We also did any version Cash did, and we're partial to our own, too.

Huh.

"So do you get calls like this all the time?"

"No, not really."

Rosa is our new best friend. She's friendly and nice and pleasant and not quick to judge us for being the technoligical equivalent of a 2-year-old trying to drive stick.

So we got our brand new state-of-the-art cell last night and boy oh boy were we excited to use it. We have great plans for this phone. Like, when it rings, Kris Kross will make us JUMP JUMP. And like, when we want to take a photograph, we can take a photograph with this new polaroid camera.

And even send it places!

So we were all excited.

And then we ran into trouble.

First, we wanted to move all our numbers from the ol' piece o' sh*t car to the new Mercedes. But oh with the drama. Stupid OMS opted to save all his digits on the old SIM card and not the new one.

See, putting the old SIM card, you know, the one that's somewhat rusted and says MA BELL on it, in the new phone is a no-no. So we done f*cked up all the features of our new steak sirloin by using said old card.

No texting. No photographs. No JUMP JUMP.

So we called Cingular last night.

At 12:30 a.m.

With other services, like the Dell, some nice man named Richard who mysteriously says he's from Texas yet has a unique accent that sounds somewhat Indian, is there to help us. Not the Cingular. At 12:30, their offices are closed.

Oh no!

So we patiently waited to call this morning. And we got through. To Rosa.

"Someone deleted all your account information from your phone on the 26th," she said, pleasant as pie (seriously -- she might have been the nicest customer service rep ever).

That's impossible, we said. We ordered our new pearly gates of heaven on the 27th. The 26th was a -- well, wait. We're looking at the November calendar. Oopsies. Yes. the 26th was yesterday and wait, did we delete everything by using the wrong fandangled SIM card?

"Yes, sir," Rosa said. "You did."

So this must happen a lot, right? Like, we're not an idiot?

"Well, I don't get a lot of calls like this," she said. "But you're fine. I'll help you through this."

So boy did we ever learn our lesson about our new MTV Video Music Award. Don't f*ck with the old SIM cards, and don't be, well, stupid.

We're all set now, thanks to Rosa.

The Daddy Mac even made us jump. Whew.

Sometimes we think about eating

What. Just saying.