And in real news that actually means something

Yay! We're gettin' them there tare-rists there just like that there President there said hisself yessir!

Well, you have a 50-50 shot, technically

There's something bitterly genius about this, right?

We love the bluegrass

Just not when it sounds like this.

Did he say, "We're goin' to work now"?

Oof.

Watch us pull a rabbit out of our hat

Fun guess-what-the-squirrels-are-thinking game time, ya'll. (AP Photo by Gerald Herbert).

TOP ONE: Um. Sh*t. Just when I have my chance to strangle her, the f*cking photographer gets my good side.
BOTTOM ONE: I'm so going to arm-drag takedown him. Strangle me my exposed furry ass.

TO: I'm so gonna strangle her again.
BO: Still no. And sh*t. I'm showing my junk. Sh*t.

And END SCENE.

***
This also reminds us of a poem a brilliant, young, impressionable and probably drunk mind once wrote in October of 2001. We'll share this poem now. We, um, we mean, this brilliant, young, impressionable and probably drunk mind, saw a squirrel dangling from a telephone wire. True story.

Maybe he knew.
Maybe he jumped
on purpose.
Maybe it didn't hurt.
He bounced once.
Then again.
I almost ran him over.
He almost ran away.
He had to know.
But maybe he slipped.
Maybe his girlsquirrel left him.
Maybe he drank too much.
Maybe he was stoned.
Or lonely.
Or both.
But now he's dead.
A grave on the road.
A North Carolina road.
Smooth on the surface
and no blood.
I should have run him over.
He looked
ready.

We ain't skerred

From the Press Republican: Cory K. Favreau, 24, of Plattsburgh, with his attorney, Allan Cruikshank, at his side, listens to City Court Judge Penelope Clute as she explains the conditions of his release. Favreau is charged with striking his mother, Jan Chagnon, in the head with a novelty bottle-opener while the two were discussing the outcome of "American Idol" on May 24. (Staff Photo/Casey Ryan Vock).

*This* is the American-Idol-beats-up-his-mother guy?

We were going to do a post on the ol' end of the world, but then we realized that six is our favorite number, and ain't no world ending with our favorite number.

Besides, ol' Cory is so cute and wait. Wait. Is it us or is his head huge? Not that there's anything wrong with that. We have nothing against big headed people. We love them, even.