*sigh*

(Photo by Jason Reed, Reuters).

***
Currently listening to: Dawn's Early Light (Yonder).

Well, that's one way to do it.

Way to handle your bidness, fellas.

It's getting harder and harder to represent Phillytowne these days. But hey! The Phillies have won three in a row! Get your Series tickets now!*

* Don't get your Series tickets now.**

** At this point, time to come clean. We totally stole this asterisk bit from our good friend Mike. We thank him.

***
Currently listening to: My Last Name. (Oh boy. But that's another story for another day).

We're happy. Really.

Seriously. We don't get angry. When we start to feel a li'l Incredible Hulky, well, we calm ourselves with pleasant thoughts.

There. All better. Now let's all get out there and have the best day ever!!!*

* We really want to stop with the best ______ evers. It's so getting the most out of hand ever.

Meanwhile... back at the grocery store...

BMW, parked in the closest spot to the store ever, with windows down and no owner to be found anywhere near the sumbitch: BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP.

Middle-aged mother/aspiring comic: Man. They sure make those car alarms loud enough for deaf people to hear them.

And END SCENE.

To the kid at the Express

Please stop *hounding* us whenever we charge in to quickly find us a shirt and maybe on sale jeans. Please stop saying, "Sir, can I help you find your size?" each time we go to a new rack.

No. You can't. We're completely aware of what we wear. Did you see that we had a shirt and pants in our hands and we were doing pretty well with this shopping thing?

We have a system. Now gets-a-steppin' before we take our good business elsewhere.

Had you asked us again, we were prepared to throw the clothes at you and maybe climb the big shelf ladder just so we could drop a bionic elbow and layeth the smacketh downeth on your candy ass.